random thoughts for january '17


at christmas night you texted me, 
wishing me well after all the mess we made.
said your memories of me were all good
when most of mine left my throat in flames.

i never let the words slip away, so they burn, burn, burn, time and time again.

around 3 a.m. at new year's day i texted you.
no amount of heavy drinking was enough to forget you,
so the ashes from all the unsaid things fell through my fingers.
i pressed "send" while feeling my heart beating.

i never really know how to talk to you, it's always a fucking game of hide and seek i can't get right.

after all was said,
or most of all,
we started talking again like we used to, 
i started daydreaming 'bout you.

but our timing is never right
and we keep getting lost in translation,
again and again and again.
riding our own little twisted carousel. 

i never know if that's called "timing" or, really, just "fate".

it's been a long time
but we finally see each other due to a power outage emergency.
two exhausted bodies reuniting after a long time.
we small talk in my bed, watching the world from the open window.
the street light illuminating our faces while we try to deny ourselves
but the thing is we can't. 
in a second your lips meet mine,
our hands make their way home.
we write our story in acts.
you pull me closer, i rest my head in your chest.
you hold me tighter, telling me how much you like my silly ninja turtles' pj.
i feel the pieces of me you've broken glue themselves back together.
time goes on without our consent,
it's all ending too soon, so we enjoy it. 
instead of calling your cab, you stay a little longer.
i can almost believe we'll make it work.

by 4 a.m. you're gone.

the walls we built,
the words we never say,
the distance between us,
it all just goes right back to where it used to be.

the carousel starts spinning again,
again and again and again...
and i'm tired of feeling dizzy.

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