random thoughts | september '15.


she takes a sip of her tea and her minds wanders about the past few months. 
it all feels like a blur.
the faded colors blend in a spiral and sometimes it's hard to pinpoint exactly what happened during the hectic race that seems to be her life but when she takes a moment to catch her breath as words slip through fingers in a desperate way to make sense of her own mess, it's right there.

the months changed in the blink of an eye and in a childish way she's already dreaming of holidays full of anticipation, laughter, twinkly lights and sweet memories but oh lord, she has grown up so much. the challenges she faced made her skin grow thicker, her insecurities and fear of failure feel like old friends now that only come out once in a while but she can now cope with them - for the most part anyway, it's healthy to keep some room for improvement.

there's happiness. there's a sense of fulfillment of some sort.
she has finally found her piece of mind. 

of course, as it mostly is with life, she knows nothing stays the same.
every day is another chance for brand new events and she wants it all.
the good, the bad. she is alive and she wants to own up to it. 
and when the blues echoes through the compartments of her head, filling up her being, she accepts it. not as redemption, but as a form of respect to her feelings. then, she does her best to let go. and when that feels hard, she searches for a way to feel alive in the middle of a crowd when life gives her the opportunity to scream at the top of her lungs to her favorite songs among the ones who brighten her days every so often. she lets jack johnson sing through the speakers to settle her rapidly beating heart. she finds a way. 

it may seem confusing now but it'll make sense someday.
let's give it time.

now please close your eyes, woman. please get some sleep.

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